You probably noticed that this blog has not been active recently. Lots of new stuff has been thrown onto me lately. New car. New job. New home. New friends.
So, between moving into a different place, working full time, and adjusting to life all on my own, it’s been tough to make myself stick to my writing and not put it off too much.
When I finally had a day off today and enough time to write, I found it difficult to enter back in the swing of things with so much else on my mind. I could be worrying about budget, my car running low on gas, keeping up with social connections, picking up prescriptions, or a bunch of other things. It’s so hard to focus sometimes.
But I also found that it’s not enough just to want to write a good story. Not enough to want to finish this project just because I started it.
In order to keep at it, I have to remember the why. Why am I writing this book? Why does it mean so much to me? Why have I put so much of my time and energy into a story that’s still far from done?
And when I go back to answering that question, I find the Muse sitting down next to me and draining the lead from my fingers. I guess for me the satisfaction of finishing a project or the possible success of a project can’t motivate me.
And most of all, if I can’t honestly answer why I’m writing what I’m writing, maybe I should not be writing it at all.
For me that “Why” answer has varied from “Dammit I had a bad week and I can indulge in a self-insert fanfic all I fucking please” to “I really need to write this in order to process my past.” As long as there is a why in the first place.