For any readers who are not aware, I am a transgender guy. I came out in September 2015 and long story short it has been a rocky road since then. In some places I received nothing short of complete support and acceptance (and if one of them is reading this blog entry right now, I hope they know they literally saved my life). In others I was rejected and not treated so good.
But as of yesterday, that is all behind me. I finally received my first prescription of Testosterone!
The nurse at the clinic who showed me how to do injections was very bubbly and sweet. She seemed very happy for me and we got to talk a little bit about how long I have been looking forward to this. I was shaking with excitement the whole time. It was a complete 180 after my Valentine Blues the other day, which I lamented about plenty on this blog too…I do more than just professional entries on here, apparently! Sue me, I need an outlet for this shit.
When I woke up this morning the first thing I looked at was my bottle containing my T as well as the needle kit. It felt so surreal. Partly because for a long time I felt convinced I would be dead by suicide before I got to start hormones. This time last year I felt trapped in a place where the thought of a physical transition seemed so far away and out of reach. And yet today here I am, taking the first of many steps to helping my body become who I really am.
It’s also really nice to be riding this emotional high/life milestone because I can feel it making my shoulders stronger to carry my loved ones when they’re going through a rough time. It always seems to be a pattern of who is going to help the other get through the day (the real interesting days is when both of you are having a breakdown at the same time. Defining friendship moments right there). But now that I’ve made it a big step, I can be strong again. A burden has been lifted off my shoulders and I can carry others who have a lot weighing them down.
(Footnote. If you follow this blog for updates about writing and such and not my personal entries, this is where I would apologize if I thought I had to. But this blog is a mix of professional and personal. A glimpse into my mind which sadly doesn’t just carry fictional characters and plot points. But of course it is entirely up to you if you want to read this or not.)
Anyway, Elian Lisette is Pre-T no more and a very happy boy! Now I’ll be off working on my book and listening to “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You” on repeat…